AIRBOURNE. |Will there ever be satisfaction?|

Sunday, December 31, 2006

The Road I've Travelled and Will Be Travelling.

I was born in 1987 and I live with my traditional parents, a westernized younger brother and an older brother whom I haven't talk to for months. I loved my childhood days and got close to my maid who stayed with me from p1 to 6. She was my protection when I got scoldings from my elder brother. But still, she couldn't defend herself at times. I still miss her.

I was from May Primary, a run-down, neighbourhood school you've probably never heard of. It looks like a haunted house if all lights were switched off. Yet, to date, I can still picture the images of the school, of school children wearing the yellow and green uniform, the crest with its slogan on "Knowledge Lights My Way", my friends running along the corridors and playing hopscotch and zero point, buying ice-cream at 20 cents, all of us going to the bookshop to purchase cute little stationeries, seeing the boys catching tadpoles at the ponds and some falling into it, and the fearsome vice-principal with two canes tricking the naughty kids to choose the thin cane over the thick cane. The only time I was punished in front of the school was because my frens and I played this 'Follow-me' game and we crossed the road. Unfortunately, the vice-principal saw it and so we were made to skip classes and stand outside her office. I was forced into Chinese Dance and had leg raised 180 degrees up high. I loved Art Club. Once, I got my fren into trouble coz she and my other fren had a dispute. I gave him her number, which then led into a quarrel between both sides of the parents. That day was the only day Ms. Cardoza spoke so fiercely to me. Now, May Primary has merged with Boon Keng Primary to form Farrer Park Primary. Earlier, Towner Primary and Cambridge Primary consecutively merge with May Primary and that was how I got to know more friends, some of which I still keep in touch with. The current location of the Old May Primary is transformed into May Adventure Camp, which I don't really think it looks adventurous at all. I remember Mr. Idris, the former principal who allowed the students who made into EM1 choose a book from his bookshelves in his office. I chose Moby Dick and have yet to finish it. Then, Ms. Oehlers took over the school and I graduated.

I got into Bendemeer Secondary coz it was my 2nd choice. 6 more points for my PSLE results and I would have gotten into Cedar Girls. Most said it's a school of ah lians and ah bengs. That year when I entered, my elder brother graduated. A lot of his teachers and my seniors knew him coz he was the head prefect of the school. Somehow, I didn't seem to enjoy the popularity under his name. Bendemeer shifted to its new premises 2 yrs ago before I entered. To me, Bendemeer's my favourite school, probably because I could make things happen there and because it was witnessed by many others. It was, as quoted from my 4E1 tutor, Mr. Benedict Tan, "a humble neighbourhood school along the expressway, a kampong school with simple people". For the 1st 2 years, I saw fights between the ah bengs. Even 1 ah lian was involved in one of the fights. I was extremely obedient in Sec 1 and I was oblivious to a lot of issues. My life revolved only around family and studies. Then came Sec 2 when I became more outgoing. I had the best time of my life in the company of great friends and tutors, one of whom was my form teacher, Ms. Tan Mei Ying, whom now I call her as a friend and an advisor. I found my best friend and my good old pals in 2E4 and I moved on to 3E1 and 4E1. I was in a triple science class, and obviously, I couldn't manage it. As much as I find Science amazing, I couldn't score it. So I dropped Bio when the new bio teacher in sec 4 told me that she think I can handle it well. I met my 2nd best class then. I got the best in Art for sec 1 and 2, but I couldn't continue pursuing Art because it was not offered for the express stream students. I became the Company Leader for Girl Guides and was in the prefectorial board. I got a chance to represent my school and be a nominee in High 5 community development council (youth volunteerism). I met some of the smartest and most ambitious youths there who had brilliant hearts and minds. And then with luck I got selected to be 1 out of 20 youths to be a youth ambassador for an exchange trip to Melbourne. I experienced funny and awkward moments when my friends in Bendemeer told me my crushes did this and that, and all i did was to avoid and pretend that i am unaware. For my sec school years, I studied hard and I played hard, and the rewards showed. I quote Bendemeer's motto, it says "From Each His Best". Indeed, from each his best.

I went into NYJC, another neighbourhood school. It was then that I realised there's nothing wrong if i'm in a neighbourhood school. I'd rather be here where I could play, have fun and do well in studies at the same time. It was so much more relaxing. NYJC was in the process of rebuilding to its new blocks when I was 'recruited'. During my J1 yrs, I could still see the old canteen. J2 year came and there was the new canteen, new sports facilities, new science blocks etc. I loved the creative interior decor of the classrooms. However, JC education system was a killer for me. For 2 yrs, my grades were messy. Those years were the years I became most stressful and most aware of myself. I had awesome tutors and I was thankful to be in an Arts class where I felt comfortable with myself and the languages that we speak (i.e not every single thing in perfect English). I met another bunch of good female friends and I'm glad they pulled me through the rough times. By the time in JC, I felt less significant and I was doing little things no one in the school seem to take notice of. I joined the Symphonic Band and felt limited to things that I can say because I knew everyone in there had more experience than me. I was a newbie. I met my first love there while he graduated and I had a great time when I was with him. I'm glad I have re-accepted him and invited this friendship back. Band took quite a lot of my time. Nearing the Concerts' days and SYF, I still can remember we practice till 10pm. The late night walks on the pitch-dark track out of campus, the lunch we had with our conductor in the canteen and the suppers we had at S11, the cushion corner we all did our hw in the band room, or to sleep, or just to skip lessons were part and parcel of Band days. I met friends there who shared an intimacy with me. Something language was not part of. It was the delicacy of music. Music created the bond among us. On the day of the results, I asked my tutors "Can I go to Uni with this kind of results? Can I?" and they all said they really don't know.

I came into NTU through a written test and an interview with Dr. Kenneth Chan. He's now the newly appointed Dean of the English division. I received a phonecall for the interview by the English division's secretary, Priya, in the toilet of ICA building where I was working. I was slacking and washing my hands when I received it and exclaimed "WHAT?!?! OHHHH MY GOODNESS!" And then, my only wish at that time came true. I was so lucky I got into a local uni. My mom couldn't believe it that i could make it into the school with my grades. No one believed it. Not even me. Sometimes, I still wonder if I have ever made my tutors or NYJC proud, but at the end of the day, I know there's no answer to it if I keep questioning myself. Semester 1 has passed. I made new friends and I owe it all to HSS FOC 06 where I met my uni mates there. At times I am really thankful because Uni would have been different without them. The late night suppers, talks, sleepovers, just hanging out and chilling around canteen 2 and JP etc were all good and I hope there's more to come. I almost met my 2nd love but I guess it wasn't the right time. But I had my friends to push me on even though they all know I was more disappointed with loving this time round. Even if I don't say it and let things pass, we all know something better lies ahead of us. I questioned my capability bout my studies and for the first time, I thought I made a huge mistake by choosing my major. I got so messed up and confused when my friend put me down through criticisms. She pulled me up after, and I tried harder to do my assignments. I know it's a matter of time when I will be able to gradually lift up my own level of faith. I got my Sem 1 results. Compared to others, it may seem average. But I remember what I've been through and I give myself a pat and say "Let's give it another shot." And soon, another new semester is about to reach into my hands.

Along the way, friends gave me words of wisdom, hope and love. And as I reach out to the world of 07, I will continue to strive my best without forgetting my roots and the love I have received. Sometimes, there are a stretch of consecutive disappointments coz my friends seemed to have forgot bout my existence. Sometimes, I try so hard but I don't seem to have the genes or talent at doing certain things. But if, if I still like what I'm doing and I know it's worthwhile, then I know I'm making the right choices in life.

This is the road I have travelled and am travelling. What's yours?

love, cy