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Friday, October 27, 2006


Simply upsetting. Haish.

Papers affected my mood so much that I was reluctant to go for Halloween Party.
But still, I'm going despite the rain, my right sprained ankle, my right foot cramps and my left leg's muscle cramps.

Questioning my capabilities. Why?
"Because the sky is so high and pigs can't fly."
No. I'm one of such pigs and I can fly.
I can.


love, cy



A dedication.

SUPERMAN
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
And it's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd, but don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed but won't you conceed
Even heroes have the right to dream
And it's not easy to be me

Up, up and away, away from me
Well it's all right, you can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy or anything

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me, inside of me
Inside of me.
Inside of me,
Inside of me.

I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
I'm only a man looking for a dream
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
It's not easy,

It's not easy to be me.


love, cy

Sunday, October 22, 2006


Had a nice evening today though I was really tired from frisbee training on sat. Had a helluva great time playing frisbee! :))) I thought I didn't start Sunday well coz I was disturbed early in the morning and I woke up reluctantly. Went to teach and then came hm. tried digesting pdf files of cs814 notes but I eventually went into dreamland again. Then i got woken up by mom and dad repeatedly for dinner outside. Didn't have a good rest for the weekend to recuperate my energy.

Then, over dinner, I told mom, dad and glenn bout my hw101 assignment 3. bout me doing the assignment without interviewing gong gong. We talked about the family's history. Only until today did glenn and me realised we're 99% Singaporeans! I know we're 0.5% Chinese (as in China) but I didn't know we're 0.5% Indonesians as well! hahaha. how cool. Glenn said, "Now that's a new thing!" And mom replied, "I told you kids before...when was that...when you all were toddlers?" HAHA. What felt really heartwarming was all of us getting interested in this topic. I kept asking questions about the past and asked mom and dad to tell us stories about our paternal and maternal grandparents.

Gong Gong (Chinese immigrant)-the heroic chinese coolie, calligrapher & clogmaker.
Ma Ma (Chinese)-the most respectable and tolerable woman on earth.
Ye Ye (Indonesian born Singaporean)-the greatest seaman & engineer ever
Ah Ma (Singaporean)-the lovely and elegant lady (Resting everlastingly in peace)

Each and every one of them deserve the title of being the best husband/wife, the best father/mother and definitely, my best grandparents. I'm really proud of my ancestral history. It's not who they are, but how they have come this far that makes it really memorable for life.

Glenn left for home to continue studying for the approaching A lvls. Mom and dad sent mi back to hostel. Travelling through the long expressway, we continued talking. Dad told me he was near to tears. He was sniffing! It was funny coz I thought dad was strong enough to handle such emotional matters, and because he told me more times about his stories than mom did. Dad's life was much more of sheer hard work, and mom was more of simplistic. I couldn't believe the women in dad's car were stronger than dad at that point in time. haha. But, i could really feel the sense of togetherness.
And then we ended up talking bout me wanting to speak and understand teochew...it ended up...nice. heart to heart talk. Nice.

I guess that's what I'll call family. It's strange but fascinating. People from all woks of life. People with different blood meeting and create a new bond, passing down a special blood of their very own. We have our own stuffs to handle, but we care and are affected by one another. We care, because we are one family.


love, cy

Saturday, October 21, 2006


A little girl sat down on a field of endless grass.
She said to God: "Dear God, I think I am not capable of loving."
God replied: "My dear child, why do you say so?"
The little girl answered: "I do not know, sir. I seem to blame others, be it people that I love or not. I want to be loved."
"Look around you, my child. You're loved."
"Why do people always say so?"
"Why are you doubting?"
"I do not know, sir. I find loving tiring sometimes. Can I choose not to love?"
"Hmm."
"I know I cannot not love. But, look at what love has done. Why does it often end up in the way we didn't want it to be? So many awkward silences. So many disappointments. So much miscommunication."
"Love cannot always have love, isn't it? In love, you meet obstacles. And then you grow much more in love. No one knows what will happen."
"I'm a scaredy cat. I am afraid to face it. And I do not know how to control it well."
"You don't have to know. The right person will naturally help control it well."
"But, dear sir, why do you speak of this imaginary person? I don't even know when will he appear. Why not just stop finding love, even though I know I need love? It hurts. Can I stop it?"
"Hmmm..Child, please take a break. Oh my dear child."


"Que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see, Que sera, sera."


love, cy

Wednesday, October 18, 2006


Thoughts racing through my mind once again. I'm back to square one. Lost. Why mess with me in the first place when you are all messed up? Why give me hope, when this is going to be crushed? Why did i allow you to do that right from the start? Why?? And now, what? HOW?

All these dreams about you are starting again. Just like what happened to me in the past. Don't you tell me it's not worth it. You brought me to this stage. This is ridiculous. One lump of shit.

I'm starting to detest this. This belief of mine was shattered. I tried pasting it back, only to be shattered again. This is stupid. All because I allowed it to happen.

And now I'm in this one lump of cow dung. I'm messed up. WHY!


love, cy

Monday, October 16, 2006


The tarot cards kill.
They test your limits, consume your flesh, and burn your soul.
And now you've aged.
The positive point is, you've aged.


love, cy

Thursday, October 12, 2006


Hi guys. I thought I'd like to share with you a card that means a lot to me. For some of you, I have actually shared it before. Often, the card stays in my wallet, only to be hidden. The times when I read it are the only times when I actually chanced upon it. You might say that this card doesn't mean alot to me then. Perhaps, it is such rare times when I read it that actually puts a real value to the card itself. It gives me hope whenever I realise I have this hidden card of mine to console me. Presenting to you, the little mighty card.

Nobody's perfect
When you catch the little things
But overlook the BIG mistakes,
When everything takes longer
Than what it usually takes,
When nothing goes according to
The best-laid plans you make,
Just remember no one's perfect
So give yourself a break.
When the stress of your success,
Makes your head and stomach ache,
When everything you touch falls through,
Fouls up, goes bad, or breaks,
Please remember that you're human
For your sanity's own sake,
And relax-
nobody's perfect,
So give yourself a break.

:)))


love, cy

Tuesday, October 10, 2006


Women are the most disturbing creatures on earth.

But, they are truly the only ones that will help swallow the greatest amount of your pity.


love, cy



Tell me words MEAN a thing.
Think thrice before you answer me.
Is what you say generated into soundbites?
Is it really what they mean?
For when I say "goodbye", you only have to reciprocate and satisfy my desire by replying "goodbye. take care."
If so, what truly is "take care"?
Think before you mean and say something.

An irony strucks again.
The sincere and the sincere not, that is the question.
You think i'm doubting and thinking too much?
Think again.
The above is just but one of the simplest exemplars.
There's more to it.
We do it most of the time.

If you still think i'm thinking too much and causing unnecessary trouble,
good news.
I'm limiting this way of thinking now, for the sake of how this society works. by the harsh way if need be.


love, cy

Wednesday, October 04, 2006


I'm starting not to make sense.

Crap.

I'm still not a big big girl to handle a big big matter.
Maybe I was never prepared for it. Shoot me. NOW.


love, cy

Sunday, October 01, 2006


It's rare for me to say I'm homesick. But for last week, i did. I didn't even had time to sit down and watch tv. I didn't even had time to share with mummy, daddy or glenn what happened for the week. I had to wake up early in the morning during the weekends, go out, come back, do my own stuff and catch some rest. Had the same routine for sunday, only minusing going hm, which leaves me no room to catch up with my family. Went back hostel after piano and dinner.

Even when i was dozing off on my bed at home on a saturday night, I thought I was resting on the hostel bed. alamakkk. why liddat...

Pretty saddening rite?

What gave me encouragement was when daddy gave me advice over lunch. He didn't even know what my new commitments are. But what he said seems as if he knew the onus I have on hand. That was all an estimated 3 min talk he shared with me. Precious. After which, I swallowed my lunch in 5 min.

And then I heard the 12pm bell which rings all over Singapore every month. And I pray again. Whenever I hear the bell.

I packed all my stuff into my huge bag and left house, ready for another week.

Daddy's girl. sometimes. haha. Happy 'children's' day. :)


love, cy



How can i tell if i am subconsciously putting more effort?
How can i tell if what i am doing is not going to be returned?
Oh, I forgot, the folklore tells me not to ask for anything to be returned.
How can i tell what i am doing is right then?
How can i tell?
I know the answer.
Time will tell.
The irony of it all.
I might remain vulnerable, as far as I can go.
I am doing my best.
Ongoing.
Only time can tell.
Prolong the insufferable suffering. Prolong the unexpectedness, only to be unexpected.
To make the right go false, or the false false,
Only time will tell.

And i might take this little gamble again, only to lose or win big time. In with a pinch of luck. Waiting. And not regretting.


love, cy

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